my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
