Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
