just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Non-Jews are for practice
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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