i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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