my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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