So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
