NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's not a walk of shame if you run
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
