people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
my liver is dry heaving
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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