you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
