i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
