This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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