why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
