i just had sex bonerless
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
