Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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