I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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