I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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