oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
