You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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