By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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