There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
