worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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