So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
