Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
