you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
