I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
