I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
