thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
