Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
