There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
