I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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