I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
