They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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