Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
