I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
