No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
