my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
that's an acceptable place to lick
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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