You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
