it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
