And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
