Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
