how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
