literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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