So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
