New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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