This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
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Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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