wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
