drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
