She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
