If that was your dad, he is hot
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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