We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
