so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
