1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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