Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
