On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Floor bacon is actually really good
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
