and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
