I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
