she was so not down for the gang bang
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
