Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
