And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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