he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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