remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
