Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize