Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
