if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
