I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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