Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
