I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
