Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
