I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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