Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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