Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
